Mother’s Day is a time to celebrate with lovely flowers, heartfelt cards, and expressing love and gratitude to the mothers in our lives.
It’s also a day to appreciate the rollercoaster of funny moments, sleepless nights, and unconditional love that come with motherhood.
Today, I want to share 97 humorous Mother’s Day quotes to bring a smile to your face, help you laugh off some stress, and remind you that you’re not alone in the joys and challenges of life.
Funny Mother’s Day Quotes for Some Loving Laughs
“Sleep is just a distant dream at this point, something I hope to explore in the future.”
– Amy Poehler
“If evolution really works, why do mothers only have two hands?”
– Milton Berle
“Showing a good example for your children takes away all the fun of middle age.”
– William Feather
“Silence is golden. Except when you have kids. Then silence is suspicious.”
– Unknown
“My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.”
– Rose Nylund (from The Golden Girls)
“Like all parents, my spouse and I do our best, hold our breath, and hope we’ve saved enough money for our kids’ therapy.”
– Michelle Pfeiffer
“If I wasn’t working, I just wanted to stay home and have fun with my little one – and by ‘party’ I mean endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.'”
– Olivia Wilde
“Being a mom isn’t easy. If it were, fathers would do it.”
– Betty White
“The most notable thing about my mother is that for thirty years, she only served the family leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
– Calvin Trillin
“When your kids are teenagers, it’s crucial to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
– Nora Ephron
“Babies! They’re more than just adorable little beings you can blame your farts on.”
– Tina Fey
“No one told me I’d be coming home in diapers, too.”
– Chrissy Teigen
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
– Phyllis Diller
“Why don’t kids understand that their nap time isn’t for them but for us?”
– Alyson Hannigan
“Motherhood is essentially about finding activities for children in three-hour intervals for the rest of your life.”
– Mindy Kaling
“A toy Tamagotchi is more communicative than a human baby, okay? Because the toy will at least tell you when it poops.”
– Ali Wong
“Twelve years later, the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.”
– Shonda Rhimes
“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”
– Mark Twain
“All those clichés about having a baby and motherhood – they’re all true. And they’re the most beautiful things you’ll ever experience.”
– Penelope Cruz
Funny Mother’s Day Quotes for the Love Between a Parent and Child
“Honey, I’m your mother. It’s my job to convince everyone how amazing you are.”
– Beverly Goldberg (from The Goldbergs)
“I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.”
– Reese Witherspoon
“When my kids get too wild, I put them in a safe playpen. When they’re done, I climb out.”
– Erma Bombeck
“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘keep away from children.'”
– Susan Savannah
“I may be covered in spit-up on a conference call while pumping, and that’s okay because this is my version of perfect. It may not be someone else’s, but it’s mine.”
– Kerry Washington
“The highlight of my day is making sure everyone makes it to the bathroom.”
– Julia Roberts
“Mom, I love you, even though I’ll never accept your friend request.”
– Unknown
“The quickest way for a parent to grab a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
– Lane Olinghouse
“My two-year-old calls her coat pockets ‘snack holes,’ and that’s what I’ll always call them.”
– Rebecca Caprara
“Everyone may be different ages and into different things, but everyone is into slime.”
– Maya Rudolph
“Every day when you’re raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream ‘This is ridiculous!’ because there’s so much nonsense, whether it’s what they’re saying to you or the fact that there’s avocado or poop on every surface.”
– Kristen Bell
“My favorite part about being a mom, I mean it’s so corny, but no matter how tired you are, it’s complete bliss. No matter what.”
– Khloé Kardashian
“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
– Tenneva Jordan
“My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.'”
– Paula Poundstone
“Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch of her and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.'”
– Christina Applegate
“The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
– Carrie Underwood
“Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy.”
– Barbara Walters
“I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.”
– Calvin (from Calvin and Hobbes)
“There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”
– Mrs. George (from Mean Girls)
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
– Dorothy Parker
Funny Mother’s Day Quotes for (and From) Friends
“I used to give my friends with kids advice all the time, and they would look at me like I had three heads. And then, when I had two, I literally apologized to all my friends.”
– Jennifer Lopez
“Being a mom means accepting that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
– Nia Vardalos
“My sister once said: ‘Anything I don’t want Mother to know, I don’t even think of, if she’s in the room.'”
– Agatha Christie
“Once you have kids, you never pee alone again. At least one of them is always in there with you.”
– Jennifer Garner
“A sweater is a garment worn by a child when the mother feels chilly.”
– Barbara Johnson
“A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her family.”
– Lynne Williams
“I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ’90s and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview.”
– Eva Mendes
“There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or ask your kids not to do it.”
– Malcolm Kushner
“Meditation is my thing. But I’m not going to lie: sometimes, I go into my closet and lock the door so no one can find me.”
– Gwen Stefani
“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
– Ray Romano
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.”
– Jenny McCarthy
“You never know when you’re gonna get crapped on, or when you’re gonna get a big smile, or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics. It might be like living with a drug addict.”
– Blake Lively
“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.”
– Lisa Alther
“You know your life has changed when… going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.”
– Unknown
“Ma-ma does everything for a baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.”
– Mignon McLaughlin
“Raising a kid is part joy and part Guerilla warfare.”
– Ed Asner
“When the milk first comes in, it’s like a tsunami.”
– Emily Blunt
“Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.”
– Julie Bowen
“How do I explain my mom? She is as respected as Mother Theresa, as powerful as Stalin, and as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.”
– Leslie Knope (from Parks and Recreation)
“I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.”
– Unknown
Hilarious Mother’s Day Quotes on the Joys of Motherhood
“Over the years, I learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, which requires one to give up all claims to personal possessions.”
– Nancy Stahl
“Motherhood requires patience, humor, and a lot of wet wipes.”
– Unknown
“When your mother asks if you want advice, it’s just a formality. Whether you say yes or no, you’re getting it anyway.”
– Erma Bombeck
“I’ve conquered many challenges… blood clots, surgeries, winning Grand Slams being down match point… but the hardest is figuring out a stroller!”
– Serena Williams
“Mother Nature has instilled in us a powerful instinct to reproduce, ensuring that the human race will never have disposable income.”
– Dave Berry
“I am sure that if mothers of different nations could meet, there would be no more wars.”
– E.M. Forster
“A mother is the person you can always call to ask how long chicken lasts in the fridge.”
– Unknown
“Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.”
– Harriet Beecher Stowe
“My mother’s menu only had two options: Take it or leave it.”
– Buddy Hackett
“It’d be great if my kids could make something I actually want. Like a bottle of wine made out of macaroni.”
– Unknown
“There’s something empowering about realizing ‘I can do this! I can do it all!’ Mothers can, because they must, and they just do.”
– Kate Winslet
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
– Sam Levenson
“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children; once obstetrically and forever afterward by car.”
– Peter De Vries
“A two-year-old is like having a blender without a lid.”
– Jerry Seinfeld
“Parenting tip: maybe don’t leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.”
– Rachel Dratch
“‘I don’t think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?'”
– Anna Faris
“Parenting is tough.”
– Adele
“I’ve met my match. She is very demanding – I can’t believe I have a boss. When my baby wants to eat, she wants to eat. It’s not like, ‘Oh three minutes?’ No. Give me the milk now.”
– Cardi B
“Having kids is like college. You’re up all night, there is lots of puking, and you’re perpetually broke.”
– Unknown
“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of them said she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.”
– Rita Rudner
Short, Humorous Mother’s Day Quotes
“If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start.”
– Unknown
“Dear Mom, Thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from Dad.”
– Unknown
“I can’t believe how much like my mother I turned out. I feel sorry for my kids.”
– Melanie White
“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.”
– Tim Allen
“Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.”
– Unknown
“Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we’ve ever met.”
– Marguerite Duras
“My nickname is ‘Mom.’ But my full name is ‘Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.'”
– Unknown
“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.”
– Jane Sellman
“Wine is necessary.”
– Kelly Clarkson
“Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.”
– Unknown
“As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.”
– Oscar Wilde
“Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother.”
– Unknown
“Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.”
– Unknown
“An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.”
– Spanish proverb
“Thank you for not telling my sisters that I’m your favorite.”
– Unknown
“To be honest, I’m just winging it. Life, motherhood, my eye liner. Everything.”
– Unknown
“Raising kids is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.”
– Unknown
“God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.”
– Rudyard Kipling
For more fun and uplifting Mother’s Day quotes, check out the inspirational Mother’s Day quotes and short Mother’s Day quotes on this website.
